Dear Advice Goblin,

I would love to use a title or protocol for my Domme, but “mommy” and “mistress” don’t suit her. What are some good alternative titles for a femme domme?

-tongue tied submissive


Dear Tongue Tied Submissive,

Thanks for writing in!

When it comes to titles and protocols, a lot of folks find themselves in your current predicament. The “gold standard” well known titles associated with D/s dynamics are great for those who enjoy them, but they are not “one-size-fits-all”

It may help to think of prospective titles for your partner as a personalized pet name. “My love” or “Angel” may sound like typical vanilla nicknames on the surface, but they could be the perfect reflection of some dynamics.

Taking a look at history and fairy tales is another tried and true way to find a title that suits your Domme. “My Lady” “Empress” “Countess” and “My Queen” are very regal sounding.

You could also consider gender neutral honorifics if those are more in line with your Domme’s style. “Benevolent tyrant” and “keeper” are good fits for my own partner. “Your Grace” and “Boss” are both great for certain dynamics.

At the end of the day, there is more to D/s than the protocols you use. Even if it takes a while to find the perfect fit, I encourage you to relish in the uniqueness of your dynamic regardless of titles!


Our resident sunshine goblin, Thia has been working for Restrained Grace full time since January as brand raconteur and community manager of The Backroom. They are a collared lifestyle submissive, a jack-of-all-trades writer, and a self professed goblin socialite. They are based in San Francisco, where they enjoy Queer Karaoke Nights, Shakespeare discourse with anyone who will sit still for it, and hanging out with their beloved spouse and two children.