Demi
(Sexual/Romantic)
Our Definition
a person who only experiences attraction under specific circumstances. Demi individuals need to feel a strong emotional or intimate connection to someone before developing romantic or sexual attraction.
Real Life Examples
Kay has never gotten a crush on a stranger or new acquaintance; they need to know someone very well before they could possibly develop an attraction to them.
Thalia has enjoyed casual sex with a variety of people, but only feels romantic attraction to people she has an established emotional and sexual intimacy with, so she identifies as Demi-romantic.
Bedevere has only ever felt sexually attracted to people who he was already in an intimate romantic relationship with, so he identifies as demisexual.
Common Practices &
Experiences
Everyone is different! You'll see this repeated throughout our website and glossary. Common practices and experiences involving demisexuality and/or demiromanticism include, but certainly aren't limited to:
- Feeling uncomfortable with expectation that attraction “should” be automatic or immediate.
- Using the label “Demi” as a more specific label when discussing the nature of how one experiences attraction and using another label (i.e. queer, straight, bi, etc) when speaking in general terms rather than having an involved conversation.
- Knowing one’s own specific criteria or standards for experiencing attraction, and communicating that with people who express and sexual and/or romantic interest.
- Avoiding dating apps and hook ups.
- Tendency to date within one’s established social circle.
- Confusion with, or not relating to, people experiencing sexual attraction to strangers.
Got a beef with our definition?
Of course we don't speak for everyone! If you feel we are missing additional info, context, facts, history, or data, please email us and let us know!
While we can't promise every suggestion will make it, we'll always be working to keep this glossary thorough and inclusive!