Our Definition

In BDSM, the time and attention given by one partner to another after an intense play experience, can be physical or emotional in nature. 

Contrary to popular belief, aftercare is for everyone - not just bottoms and subs. Doms and tops often need various forms of physical and emotional reassurance after intense play, as well.

Real Life Examples

"I'm kind of the stereotype after a scene, I get cold, sleepy, snuggly. I want reassurance and love from my Sir. A snack never hurts, either." - Miss Annie

Common Practices

Everyone is different - you'll see this repeated throughout our website and glossary - so everyone's needs and requirements for aftercare are different. 

Common aftercare practices include, but certainly aren't limited to:

  • Chocolate
  • Snacks
  • Getting cozy and comfortable under a blanket and/or with a stuffy or comfort item
  • Cathartic crying
  • Cuddling with your play partner
  • Cuddling with someone else
  • Hair stroking
  • Soft touches
  • Pillow Talk
  • Post-scene breakdown conversations to make sure everyone's needs are met
  • Follow up calls and check-ins in the days following the scene

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Real Life Examples

We're gathering short anecdotes on this topic from experienced kinksters!
If you'd like to be quoted in our glossary, please email us a single paragraph describing the practices you'd like to share, along with whatever name you'd like to be credited with.
If your definition differs from ours, tell us how and why! We want to illustrate as many sides of kink as we can to both normalize kink and the diversity within it.

Recent Glossary Entries


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