Demi (Sexual & Romantic)

In The Modern BDSM Glossary 0 comment
Demi (Sexual & Romantic)

Demi (Sexual & Romantic)

Our Definition

a person who only experiences attraction under specific circumstances. Demi individuals need to feel a strong emotional or intimate connection to someone before developing romantic or sexual attraction.

Common Practices & Experiences 

Everyone is different! You'll see this repeated throughout our website and glossary. Common practices and experiences involving demisexuality and/or demiromanticism include, but certainly aren't limited to:
  • Feeling uncomfortable with expectation that attraction “should” be automatic or immediate. 
  • Using the label “Demi” as a more specific label when discussing the nature of how one experiences attraction and using another label (i.e. queer, straight, bi, etc) when speaking in general terms rather than having an involved conversation. 
  • Knowing one’s own specific criteria or standards for experiencing attraction, and communicating that with people who express and sexual and/or romantic interest. 
  • Avoiding dating apps and hook ups. 
  • Tendency to date within one’s established social circle.
  • Confusion with, or not relating to, people experiencing sexual attraction to strangers.

Kay has never gotten a crush on a stranger or new acquaintance; they need to know someone very well before they could possibly develop an attraction to them.

Thalia has enjoyed casual sex with a variety of people, but only feels romantic attraction to people she has an established emotional and sexual intimacy with, so she identifies as Demi-romantic. 
Ben has only ever felt sexually attracted to people who he was already in an intimate romantic relationship with, so he identifies as demisexual. 

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Real Life Examples

We're gathering short anecdotes on this topic from experienced kinksters!
If you'd like to be quoted in our glossary, please email us a single paragraph describing the practices you'd like to share, along with whatever name you'd like to be credited with.
If your definition differs from ours, tell us how and why! We want to illustrate as many sides of kink as we can to both normalize kink and the diversity within it.

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