One True Wayism

One True Wayism

Our Definition

the mistaken belief that there is only one “correct” way to practice BDSM and kink. 

Common Practices & Experiences 

Everyone is different! You'll see this repeated throughout our website and glossary. Common practices and experiences involving one true wayism include, but certainly aren't limited to:
  • Being a sanctimonious jerk. 
  • Viewing people who practice BDSM differently as inferior or fake.
  • Putting a moral judgement on neutral things that are a matter of personal taste (such as being accepting of people who engage with flogging but shunning people who prefer electro-play, or uplifting brats/brat-tamers while denigrating service oriented dominants and submissives.) 
  • Broad, over-generalized statements of what “real dominants” or “real submissives” are like. 
  • Enforcing rules or regulations in kink spaces that alienate members of the community. 
  • Creating an atmosphere where conformity is necessary in order to be part of a community.

Roland’s dynamic with their dominant does not include the protocols that are popular in his local kink scene, which has led to criticism and questioning of his identity, ultimately making him feel like he doesn’t belong in the community.

Paul felt scared away from the BDSM community when they started their learning journey, because the dress code at local events heavily favored people of one specific aesthetic.

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Real Life Examples

We're gathering short anecdotes on this topic from experienced kinksters!
If you'd like to be quoted in our glossary, please email us a single paragraph describing the practices you'd like to share, along with whatever name you'd like to be credited with.
If your definition differs from ours, tell us how and why! We want to illustrate as many sides of kink as we can to both normalize kink and the diversity within it.

Recent Glossary Entries


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